The Cranky Bloggie

 That bloody fool. How dare he fight with me?? I mean he is not the only wrong one here. But still I was so hurt The first time we fought was because I said I didnt want to go to NK for food and lied about having mentor's work. We bickered. We bickered to the point that I said I hate him . I said he is bullying me. He made a huge deal out of it. I regret that a lot. I must have looked like a dramaqueen to them both . The next day we fought again. This time again because I said I didn't want to go out for food eventhough I said i wanted to go just 3 hours ago. He was mad at me again . This was the moment where realisation hit me that college life isn't always like how karan johar portraits the college in his movies. This was the moment where I hit my lowest after coming to college.One day Iam over him and the next day he gets me thinking if he is the one for me? Iam slipping back and forth. I had absolutely no energy to walk out that day . I didn't have the emotional str...

 Iam getting messed up again. For god's sake this guy is killing me. I thought I was over him. I was seriously convinced that we can't be together. Our boxes don't tick like sreenanda said. We are not meant for each other. He is just an ordinary guy who came into my life to become my good friend . I was truly over him. But then ..then things happen..like today...why does he notice about little things like he is my boyfriend? What did he mean when he said he wants to vishudhamayi clear things up? On top of it why the hell does he think it's okay to spoil me with chocolates?  I was sitting in the library trying my best to concentrate on his class on number system convertion. He looked at me in between to see if iam on the same track as him. But me?? I have no shame to admit that I couldn't concentrate on what he was teaching for I was searching his eyes .I was trying to decode what is behind those eyes.I was reading my destiny inside without even knowing it. At one po...

 I feel weird . I don't know if my heart is playing games with me or if I actually feel like vomitting. Iam unable to differentiate the difference between these two. I can't concentrate. I can't think straight . I can't sit and do a task . I can't stop thinking. I can't stop anything. What the hell just happened today??What the hell did that guy mean when he said he wanted to say something but he is afraid if it will ruin something?? What in the world happened to me at that time. I thought my heart would come out of my body when he looked at me . My poor hearteu. It couldnt handle all that. Why couldn't i handle that situation?? What is happening to me ?? I can't fathom if I am looking forward or if Iam afraid  to hear the unsaid thoughts of his . Oooorrrr the possibility that it could be because Iam afraid to accept my own feelings .You little demon . You stirred up my tranquil heart .Or is it my menstrual cycle fucking me up?? God knows. I tell myself ...

 Am I reading too much into your talks? Was that a spark or am I imagining this ? Maybe iam not meant to be your the one in the future. What if iam that 'the one' of your future? Iam afraid of what the answer will be.  Bro you got me second guessing my way out . Iam worried if iam reading myself wrong . Iam worried if I will regret this. It's the fear of rejection and losing it all fighting against the chances of getting it all. All of this indecisiveness .

      I haven't felt like this since 2 years to be exact . Not since KVS Nationals.      It feels like this event just marked the start of my youth. It felt as though some people came into my life painting my world in hues I never knew existed. To change my perspective that I have started a new phase . It was as though ki us hawa me nasha tha. Now I miss dashing, laughing and screaming my lungs out like life is actually happening at that moment .Shouting as if the world had paused, just for us. Just living my life untethered , without any network on a mountain in jammu with absolutely breathtaking sunsets. I felt like an electron caught in an excited state who doesn't know if she should cry or just jam to benson boone singing his heart out. I loved the pure untamed energy surging through each one of us.      A perfect night. Such perfection that it was scary at one moment like something out of a thriller I’d seen too many times. They say...